Stop Being Insecure About Motherhood

Reviewed by James Brann, MD
When you become a mother, everything changes. Suddenly, you are responsible for this little, helpless and vulnerable human life that you have created. Suddenly, it brings up insecurities within you that you never knew you had. You may secretly think things like:

  • “Will I be good enough?”
  • “I hope I don’t accidentally hurt my baby.”
  • “I hope my kid doesn’t grow up to be a brat or a bully.”
  • “What I do something wrong?”
  • “Am I going to be a good mom?”
The list of insecurities is really endless, and although on some days you might feel as though you have it all together, then you see these other mothers who seem to have it down pat. Society adds to this pressure with its continual efforts of perfection. People are quick to point out the flaws of bad mothers, while rarely highlighting the efforts of good mothers.

Has anyone ever stopped to think how this affects a child?

The best thing you can do for your children is just be there for them. Be there emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically and in a nurturing way. Quality interactions are what matter, so even though the pressures to be perfect are always there; the good news is that as long as you offer consistency in the most fundamental aspects of your child’s development, he or she will have a better shot at becoming a worthwhile member of society.
A child doesn’t care how much money you make or even how many things they have. You put pressure on yourself to provide as much as you can for your child, but when a child goes without, they do appreciate those times when you are able to give them more than they are accustomed to. Spoiling a child has irreversible effects and being absent – such as working all the time, for example – is also worse for your child than giving them less and being there more.
Time can never be replaced. The moments you spend together reading a book, chasing your child down the slide at the park, taking walks, building forts out of blankets and kitchen chairs, bird watching, or any other number of hobbies, are far more important to your child than having the biggest toy at the toy store. Of course your child will ask for the biggest toy, as it is in their nature. And they may have seen that biggest toy at their friend’s house, but in the grander scheme of things, these material things do not make you a better parent than the one who works 60+ hours a week and is rarely there to see their kids.

Another insecurity of many parents is the need to appear perfect in the eyes of other people. If your child cries at the grocery store – which will inevitably happen – it can be mortifying. It can make you wonder what people think of you or what you did. “Wow, that poor kid has a mean mom,” you might think that others perceive of you. This is not the case. In fact, you might learn that most people feel compassionate and understanding. They are parents, too. They’ve been there and done that.

Just do your best and stick to what you know is right. Stop letting everyone else dictate your skills as a parent, and start believing in yourself!

You are a great parent, and whether your parents were good or bad people, you can still be a great parent to your own children. Bad habits do not have to be handed down from one generation to the next. If you notice that you are doing things that you hated your parents did to you, then get help or counseling. Read some inspirational stories. Just take a step back.

 

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